Eytan's Magical Unicorn Blinding Superness Blondie

Posted on Sep 2, 2022
Reading time: 2 minutes Tags: Recipes Blondies

Here’s where I should be adding in a long rant about making blondies on a winter night and my imaginary dog named Albert. But I won’t because screw the Global Recipe Convention, amiright?

Just trust me that for the effort these take, they are the best damn blondie recipe out there .

Makes one pan. The batter is better to eat (but not healthy). This is also a speed demon recipe - it takes like three minutes to whip up, even if you’re baking while on an important Zoom call Not that I’d ever do that, obviously.


  • Just under ½ cup of Canola oil (or a bar of butter if you’re feeling insane)
  • 1/4 cup of white sugar (but I don’t see color)
  • 1/2 cup of brown sugar (turns out I do)
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 1/4 cups of flour (one cup can be whole wheat if you like the texture…I don’t)
  • 2 tsp. baking powder
  • 3/4 tsp of salt
  • 1 Bag of Chocolate chip cookies


  1. Beat oil, sugar, brown sugar and vanilla super super well. Don’t drop the beat.
  2. Mix in the rest of the stuff. Do it with your head held high. You’re doing god’s work.
  3. Eat batter. I’m not liable for any damages.
  4. Bake it in a 9*13 inch pan for 28 minutes. At 180 degrees, like always. Nothing’s original. We’re all just dust in the wind.
  5. Chooomp away!