Everyone’s the hero of their own story

Summary

Summarized wtih ChatGPT

People often see themselves as the heroes of their own stories, believing their choices make a difference and justify their actions. This mindset can lead to misunderstandings and divisions, especially in politics, as individuals label each other as villains based on differing views. Recognizing this tendency can help us approach conversations with empathy and the intent to understand rather than to win.

Key Takeaways:

1. Acknowledge that everyone sees themselves as the hero in their narrative.
2. Approach disagreements with empathy to foster understanding and dialogue.
3. Reflect on your own biases and consider how they shape your perceptions of others.

Highlights from Article

People will believe whatever allows them to be the hero of their own story.

We all need to maintain a belief that we are fundamentally (if incompletely) good, reasonable, decent people. That we are doing the best we can, given what we have to work with. This belief is so load-bearing that abandoning it is basically never on the table. If we come into contact with evidence that might contradict it, we will instead do one of two things: (1) deny the evidence, or (2) revise our concepts of what it means to be good, reasonable, or decent.

But I think hero stories contribute to hyper-partisanship at a much deeper level, by dividing us into teams that not only disagree with one another but essentially inhabit totally different realities. The more loudly our opponents insist that we’re wrong, bad, deranged — the more intensely they oppose the hero of the story — the more we’re forced to conclude that they’re villains, and must be reflexively resisted at every turn, even on the occasions when what they say aligns with our interests.

• Because we need to be the good guys, it makes us cast everyone who disagrees as as the bad guy

I think that most people, like me, are doing the best they can, given what they have to work with, and that most of them just don’t have as much to work with, frankly. It is very easy for me to maintain my belief that I am the hero of the story when the world conspires to help me — when I have a job I take pride in, and enough money in my bank account, and the respect of my peers. But those are all downstream of basic facts about myself that I didn’t choose, that I just lucked into at birth.

If your goal is to actually change someone’s mind — not just to feel like you won, or produce a nice YouTube clip, but to actually change their mind — then you should be operating in the conversation as if you’re talking to the hero of the story, who is basically good but has been misled.

• Approach conversations as if the other is inherently good too

All material owns to the authors, of course. If I’m highlighting or writing notes on this, I mostly likely recommend reading the original article, of course.

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